You’re All I See, Our Love’s a Monster with 2 Heads and 1 Heartbeat, We Just Got Caught up in the Moment

So, I told K I couldn’t do “it” (more about “it” here: Flaws On the Table, I Don’t Feel Insecure). At least I’m pretty sure I told him… I was high while on the phone, since I knew I couldn’t talk about it “on my own”.  This was something I honestly would’ve considered if K and I had already been in a relationship, and he offered it because it was something I wanted, and he wanted to do it for me. But this was not the case…

No doubt about it. I love K. And I love him as he is. I adore all of him just as he is. I cherish every aspect of him. I would be there for him through blood, sweat or tears and everything in between.  Even the parts I’m not 100% on, when I take a step back and truly think about it, I could be more than completely satisfied with living the rest of my life with him as is. But K would not be. And that is how I know it is not true love right now.

To me, true love should go full circle. When I envision that, I see two individuals reaching both their arms out to each other and when they touch, it completes the circle. When it’s not true love, one person will be reaching farther, trying harder (maybe even desperately) to form the circle to make the relationship work and then the balance is off. That’s when “London Bridges falls down,” people break up, and hearts are broken, some more than others in most cases.

I want K to have everything he’s ever wanted in life. He deserves that and so much more just for being the man he is today. He once described his “dream girl” to me.  He explained what was important to him, and how he imagined his life. Which is excellent to have goals and a vision like that. But it’s not a vision of me.

So now, I have to step back, and sacrifice the possibility of a beautiful life with K, so that he can find the perfect girl for him. One that fits his vision. Like a wise man once explained about suicide central, what am I willing to give up for those that I love? I’m willing to give up K so that he can be happy.  And maybe I’ll find someone like him again one day. A man who will love all parts of me. As I am at that point in time. And if not, then I’ll move on again. Because fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice…. Then I’m a fucking douche bag.

And E fooled me once. I can’t be treated less than, ever again.

Also… Not that it matters, but people actually asked me how FAT I am? Seriously? lol Well for all you nosey people who should mind your own business, this is what I look like. FullSizeRenderNow go bother someone else.


-Coleman Hell/2 Heads-


14 thoughts on “You’re All I See, Our Love’s a Monster with 2 Heads and 1 Heartbeat, We Just Got Caught up in the Moment”

  1. Girl… you are not fat. And any man that says that you are is clearly blind! But good for you for splitting with K for him to find his ideal girl so you don’t have to mold into that idea!


  2. I know it hurts, I have been in a similar situation. To love someone with all your heart and for them to want something else. I’m glad you’ve made the decision to move on. From this post and ones in the past, it seems like K is unhappy with more than just your body (which is ridiculous). He can’t handle your past either. And your past has a big influence on who you are today! You’re beautiful just the way you Are! You don’t have to change for anyone!💚💜💙


      1. Because in one of your entries you s
        Wrote about him not being able to read your blog anymore that he couldn’t handle it. I could be wrong, and if I am, I’m sorry.


  3. I am glad you let him go. Loving a person ought to have very little to do with their body. No one needs a partner who focuses on appearance. What happens if accident? Illness? Age? You are better off without that. I always imagined a good relationship had more to do with shared interesting conversation and laughter.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Was never my intention to make anyone cry. And trust me, I would never wish this situation on anybody. I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with something close. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

      Liked by 1 person

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