Are You Afraid of Being Alone Cause I am, I’m Lost Without You

Would I be okay alone? This question has crossed my mind too much recently, and to answer, of course I would be okay. But I wouldn’t thrive.

You see even when you are in a relationship, you are destined to be alone at some points in your life. Most in fact, but it’s the knowledge that someone is in life with you that helps. It’s when you roll over in bed and feel where the bed dips down because that’s their spot. It’s when you sit on a chair that’s still warm and know they must’ve just been around recently. It’s when you feel a breeze in the air when they walk by, even without a word, but you feel their presence. It’s when your coffee is made in the morning with a little note after they’ve let for work, or your lunch is packed in the fridge for the day. It’s when the laundry is folded and put away in the drawers so magically. It’s when you smell their cologne from down the hall.  It’s when you hear the garage door open and know they made it home from work safely. It’s when they call and you see their picture come up on your phone and you smile, even if your fighting, because they, just as they are, make you smile. It’s when you see the half eaten pack of muffins that was supposed to last all week, but is gone in a night, that you just adjust and buy more next time. It’s when you notice the lawn is cut or the sidewalks shoveled. All without you actually being with them.

Or more intimately, it’s when they stand behind you and kiss your neck right below your ear because they’ve learned after kissing you everywhere and listening to your response that that’s what you like the best. It’s when they whisper in your ear… and see the shivers rise on your arms, that you know even though you could survive alone, you don’t want to. You don’t want to, because you want to be with them. Because life is more… phenomenal, more beautiful, yet more simple with someone.

So yes, I could be alone and be fine. But what’s the point of fine? We were made for more than “fine.” I want unprecedented, astounding, something that makes other people jealous. I don’t want to be fine. I don’t want to be ok. I want what I’ve described, and even though I’ve been married, I’ve never had most these things. I know, I know, what the fuck did I marry E for? Haha I’m still trying to figure that out.

But until I find someone who wants something rare like I do… I’ll be okay. Plain and simple okay.

 

-Blink 182/I’m Lost Without You-

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Are You Afraid of Being Alone Cause I am, I’m Lost Without You”

  1. Ou worded so beautifully what my heart longs for in my own marriage yet I haven’t found. There have been glimmers, rare moments. But alas, I am left wanting. I am thankful to know I am not alone.

    Like

  2. I was starting to get jealous there for a minute. I was wishing that I had some who felt that way about me or even someone to play their role so that I could miss them in the same way. I kept on reading to findout that your in the boat right on the side of my boat . All I can do is hope things will get better someday for you and keep holding on.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Carl Jung says that this post is about “greed,” wanting more than you could possibly obtain. We realize that we are greedy for things but not necessarily greedy for another person. Resetting that, he writes, is the key to becoming whole again. I have found that helpful when dealing with loss.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s