Your Life Ain’t Gonna be Nothing Like My Life, Your Gonna Grow and Have a Good Life. I’m Gonna do What I Got to do. 

Last night at dinner, little E nearly broke my heart, which as we’ve previously determined is hard to do lol. I mentioned to the kids that on Sunday I invited my Dad (and by association my Mom) out for lunch for Father’s Day, and asked them if they had any suggestions of where they’d like to go. We are fairly close with my parents, having lived with them for almost 2 years during my divorce, and now see them probably 1-2 times a week, since my parents LOVE my kids. Which, yeah of course, I get it, every grandparent loves their grandchildren, but my kids hold a special place in my parents heart… possibly more so then my nieces. In fact I’m like 95% sure they like my kids better, but I don’t rub it in my sisters face… ALTHOUGH, come to think of it, that would be nice lol.
Anyways, when I mentioned the lunch to the kids, I said maybe we could make a little gift for Nonno (Italian for Grandpa) to give him at lunch, or if they wanted, they could give him the Father’s Day gift they were most likely doing up at school/daycare and little E got a little upset. I guess at daycare, he choose not to make a Father’s Day gift because he didn’t want to give one to E. It never occurred to him that he could still make it, but give it to someone else, although in years past my kids have gifted their school/homemade crafts to my Dad during the holiday, since E has never been around. I asked little E why he had choosen not to participate in the activity, and he said he didn’t want to say because it was rude. So I explained that anything he had to say to me was ok right now, and that all his feelings about this situation were important and valid to have, and he wouldn’t get in trouble for feeling/expressing them now. 

So he said he didn’t want to make E a present, because in his words “E is lazy and boring.” Wow, way to hit the nail on the head! Little E will be 7 next month and has totally figured out this E thing lol. He said he doesn’t like to spend time with E because all he does is sit there. He doesn’t play with him and doesn’t even talk with him, so therefore little E doesn’t feel he “deserves” a gift for Father’s Day, because he isn’t a good Father. So I explained that if he doesn’t want to make E a gift, I would never force him to. A gift is for someone to express your feelings, not just because it’s a holiday. So if your feelings are that you don’t like the person, then don’t get them a gift. But then I reminded him, on the other hand, if he does enjoy someone’s company and feel they “deserve” a gift, then he didn’t need to wait for a holiday. I also told him that if he felt he missed out on an opportunity to make something for Father’s Day that he could’ve potentially given to someone else like Nonno, I would help him come up with another craft to do.

He thought about it for a moment and decided that nope, no one was worthy of his crafting time… although I’m pretty sure he just didn’t want to invest his time colouring anything since the whole crafting thing is quite possibly his least favourite activity. Instead he spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince Z she should give her gift to Uncle D, whom I’m pretty sure is only on little E’s mind since he’s taking him fishing this Saturday. But Z stood firm in her stance of giving her gift to me. Hey I did say they could choose whomever lol and who was I to argue with another homemade crafted gift for myself? Besides, I currently fill the role of mom and dad so why not accept it.

As for E, well I can probably expect him to ask me what the kids got him for Father’s Day, as he does every year. To which I will tell him he gets the joy of their presence and to try and make to most of it while he has it. Meanwhile in the back of my mind I will be thinking you don’t deserve anything…You didn’t get me anything, ever… Fuck off… You know, those kind of things, left unspoken of  course.

Until then though, I’ll prep once again for the onslaught of dogooders who will comment on my single mom status, and “how do I do it” stuff. Same as Mother’s Day… but perhaps even more pathetic if possible. While attempting to maintain my composure and focus on raising my kids. Hopefully I’m doing it “right.” 
-Clean Bandit Feat. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie/Rockabye-

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4 thoughts on “Your Life Ain’t Gonna be Nothing Like My Life, Your Gonna Grow and Have a Good Life. I’m Gonna do What I Got to do. ”

  1. So you were with your parents for 2 years in your divorce.
    So that’s where I’m at right now. How do you get out? Did you decide to get your own place? Did you struggle with the fact you were back at your parents? How’d it feel to finally leave? And did you move in with someone else or rent a place yourself? Very curious!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I moved back with them initially and while I lived with them we worked out a deal where I paid rent (a sizeable amount) and went to school for almost a year. Then found a job. I saved every extra penny for the next year, and last July, I bought my own little place. It was embarrassing and demoralizing as a grown woman to move back home, but it was best for my kids. My parents were willing, and we didn’t have to struggle in some one bedroom apartment with nothing. Although I spent pretty much every night at home for 2 years with no social life just to avoid the where are you going questions. Being on my own has been very freeing. I’ve finally been able to truly rediscover myself since my divorce, with lots of help from this blog. Thanks for the great question!

      Like

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