By Now You Should’ve Somehow Realized What You Gotta do I Don’t Believe that Anybody Feels the Way I Do About You Now

This post is just some odds and ends about everything that’s been happening lately. I just don’t feel like going to deep into anything because life has been really handing it to me this week, but have I have a lot of quick updates I’d like to share. 

My Grandma apparently specified that all the grandkids were to split the money from a piece of land she just recently sold, with everything else going to my grandpa. Oh and my mom got her ring which gets me one step closer to the most beautiful ring ever. It’s literally gorgeous and has actually won prizes at world competitions. I’ve always admired it. But anyways, I can expect a decent check from her estate within the next two weeks and I have decided that I’m going to use a portion of it to take my kids and I on a cruise on (or near) my 30th birthday this fall(well that and some backyard renos… I have to tear up my deck$$$ and so fake grass here we come). I’ve never been on a cruise or on a relaxing holiday as an adult. Yes I’ve traveled a lot, but never on holiday. So I’ve decided I deserve this. I’ll get back to you in a month or so once I’ve booked it with more details. 

I went to the doctor this week and got a referral for a more extreme weight loss procedure. I went a few months ago looking into liposuction and the doctor was a dick and so I’m trying other options. I’m doing it for myself and for long term. I’m ready to be the best and healthiest I can for the longevity of my life and for my kids. Once I get an appointment, I’ll find out what options are best, and what my timeline is. 

Speaking of timelines, the divorce SHOULD be nearing the end. I feel like I’ve been saying this for about 1.5 years, but for real now, everything is agreed on and unless E pulls some dumb move, we should be signing within a month and I’ll officially be a single woman. 

Single woman… story of my life. K came on Friday and said he loved me. Which made me ridiculously happy. Because that’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from him. Is those 3 words, spoken from his mouth. Just to know in my heart, that my mind is not making things up. That yes, he does feel that way about me. But then he had to taint the moment and say no strings attached. I’m not sure if it’s because he was so mad that I was trying to end it (again) or offended by things I wrote to him/here. Or if he said that because he knows he’s not in a good position for a relationship now, so yes, he wants me to know he loved me, but that right now there will be nothing coming from it. Either way, hearing him say that took me over the top and the sex that ensued literally left me shaking. A definite first for me. But I didn’t want it to be the last. I wanted sex, from him and only him forever. Plus more obviously but one step at a time. It’s like when you read those dumb poems about love that say the sky is bluer and the grass is greener… I don’t know about that shit, but the sex is definitely sexier lol. 

Next, work has asked me to start working an extra day per week. So starting in July I’ll move from 3 to 4 days a week and still have a long weekend every week. The extra remuneration is totally worth it, and I’m planning within 6-8 months to get a new car with the additional cash. Cause I still hate my piece of crap. 

Plus on top of all that, Eli asked me this morning out of the blue why we don’t live with dad anymore. We were on our way into my parents house and so I told him I would talk to him about it when we had a chance to sit down and discuss it fully later today. I know he knows what happened, because he’s brought it up in the past, he used to refer to it as the time daddy gave mommy a spanking, since that’s the only way his young mind could explain it. Although its been a while since he’s talked like that. I’m not sure if he’s forgotten about the incident or if he just doesn’t get why E doesn’t love with us. I really have to think through how I’m going to deal with this. 

I have to really think through how I’m going to handle a lot of stuff in my life right now. I haven’t been making the best decisions, and my choices have been hurting people. People who never deserved it. 

I’m just hoping I get a redo in some areas. Wouldn’t that be nice? A rewind button on life. And yes, I do realize I have a lot of money coming my way in the next while, between my grandma dying, E’s unpaid support, and work upping my pay. Maybe Karma does exist? I went for a long time with very little. I sacrificed a lot for both E and the kids. I moved to the middle of nowhere with no electricity or running water for years. No makeup or new clothes or food I didn’t grow. No internet or phone…I kinda feel like I’ve earned everything that’s coming to me. Now I just have to try not to spend it before it’s in my pocket 😏



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