Today is little E's 7th birthday. And I have so many things I've been wanting to post about, but decided to write about the day he was born. Because that's a story of its own!
My pregnancy with little E went great. Absolutely no morning sickness, none of the uncomfortable sleeping at night, just a tiny bit of heartburn near the end which I'm pretty sure can be attributed to all the hair he was born with. I'm very lucky to have had such a good pregnancy because E was no support. Throughout the 9 months, he would often suggest that the baby was in fact not his, and that the night of my failed housewarming ( https://shewassetfree.wordpress.com/2017/04/12/house-warming-it-was-cold-as-fuck/) I had slept with S, and therefore who knows how many other men. As you can imagine this was difficult to deal with while pregnant, and I didn't feel very supported, so it was nice to at least feel like the baby was working with me.
The only thing that really changed for me was that I craved steak like nobody's business. I could eat steak for breakfast, lunch, dinner and still want more, until some blood work revealed that it was amazing I was still up and walking since my iron was SO depleted. Once I got on some iron supplements, the cravings slowed and then the only that bothered me was smell.
EVERYTHING stunk to me. Especially E. He would get home from work, I'd have to ask him to shower. He'd come home from rugby practice, where he just showered, and I'd make him do it again. Before we left anywhere, I'd ask him to reapply deodorant, or shower. I know he didn't actually stink more than before, but to me? Oh god the smell was awful. At one point we went to my parents for supper and I actually apologized to my mom for how E smelled and she's like 'honey, he doesn't smell, it's your nose/hormones' … didn't matter to me, I still needed him to shower 3x a day if not more.
So, anyways as we neared, and then passed little E's due date, I found myself doing all the preparations for the baby. E didn't put together one baby item. He didn't purchase one particle of clothing for our first child. He was barely interested in conversations about the name even. Except of course to throw in the lies about the middle name and confuse the shit outta everything. But as far as first names go, it was basically up to me, which I'm so grateful for! At least now I don't have to say my kids names every day and have regrets about them. I picked them both out and love them throughly.
Since apparently my womb is so comfortable, little E stayed 10 days past his due date and I had an appointment to be induced. E decided he didn't want to come with me, so I drove myself to the hospital. He basically said let him know how it goes and if anything happens, he would come later.
So I was on my own. 22 years old. About to give birth to my first child. And my husband chose work over supporting me.
I went through the process and stayed for about an hour when the nurse came to check me out and said there was no signs of labor so I could head home for now, but to come back if anything changes. So I headed home. I had some back pain but, since this was my first time, I kept waiting for 'contractions' and yet had no idea what they would feel like. My back pain kept getting worse and I had no way of relieving it, so I took a shower. E was home from work by the time I got out of the shower but I was in so much pain all I could do was sit on my towel on my bed. This ended up being probably the best thing for me, since while I was still on the towel, my water broke and I finally clued in that my back pain was actually contractions. #idiot
I told E we had to go now, and his response was that I had to wait since he needed to eat since he just got him from work and was hungry. So while E did whatever he did in the kitchen, I got myself dressed and hauled my hospital bag out to the car, all while in labor.
E finally moseyed his way to the car and we went to the hospital where I was admitted ASAP.
My mom met us at the hospital since at this point I knew E was going to be useless and to be honest I was scared and needed someone to be there as a support. Most women have their husbands for support, but well, I had E soooo, mom was like my plus one.
My mom came into the room and then E left! I was like what the fuck? And he told us that he didn't think he was going to stay in the room because where he's from the men don't stay, it's more of a woman's thing. I was like get your ass in this room right now! You got me into this! You are going to help me through it! I don't care if you just stand there silently or even faint! You stay!
So he did, although he just stood there quietly, he stayed in the room.
Meanwhile, because everything was happening so quickly, my room was buzzing with people. My maid of honour at my wedding is actually a labour and delivery nurse and was working that night, which was the only thing keeping me sane. She tried to make sure I had the best Dr. and nurses and when the actual delivery came she was right there helping out too.
I didn't have a big 'delivery plan' I knew I was all for the drugs though, I mean if I can do this pain free, then load me up. So they started with the laughing gas (which did dick all) while my MOH tracked down an anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist came and did his poke, but for some reason, the epidural didn't work either, and this baby was coming NOW.
I remember the Dr doing that dumb counting thing, like for your breathing, and everyone's saying oh your doing great, good job, keep going, and I just snapped. I actually yelled 'SHUT UP' at everyone. In my mind I just wanted quite so I could focus, plus their words were doing nothing to help so I just wanted silence. After I yelled though I felt bad so I kept apologizing, and trying to explain how I just needed quite, and everyone's like no it's ok, you can yell.
So, the pushing is going on and there's so much happening in my room with me and E and my mom and about 6-8 staff because something is going wrong…. as I'm pushing, the baby gets stuck. So my MOH gets a stool and stands on it, holds her arms out like she's about to preform CPR and then literally JUMPS and pushes onto my belly and helps push little E out. Who let me tell you, WAS NOT LITTLE!
Little E was 9lbs 7ozs and a short little sucker. He looked like a sumo wrestler. A cute sumo wrestler. The Dr who delivered him felt the need to comment saying 'Oh if I had known he was this big, I would've done a C-section'. Oh thank you for that. Thanks for saying that NOW! When there's no going back. Thanks for talking about the huge new life I just pushed through my vagina while you use 17 stitches to close me up. Yeah, thanks. Real professional.
But, aside from having my genitalia ripped open, the drugs not working, and E not being interested at all in being there…
It was the most beautiful day of my life. No I didn't cry. But I was very broken at the time. I did cherish it though. I remember little E had no problem starting to nurse and the feeling of having a new life, a human, so small yet fully functioning, look into your eyes while feeding off of the life you bring it? Priceless.
I stayed up all night just watching him. Making sure he was ok. Changing diapers that didn't need to be changed. Waking up E so he could bring me the baby. Holding him. Touching him. Stroking his hair. Looking into his eyes. Singing to him. Just loving him. And I would do it all again.
Everything I've been through with E, I would do again just to have the amazing experience of little E's life it has brought me.
7 years ago today.
-Patty Hill&Mildred Hill/Happy Birthday-