I Feel Like I’m Out Of My Mind I Feel Like My Life Ain’t Mine/When You’re There Chest To Chest With A Lover

I wonder if crazy people really truly know if/when they are crazy. Now I know “crazy” is a very incorrect term here, but hear me out. I’m not talking about the more… ‘normalized’ mental health issues, that you or your neighbor most likely have suffered from, like depression or something similar. I also know those issues aren’t normal either, trust me, I’ve suffered from depression, I’ve attempted suicide, I know the seriousness of it. But bear with me for argument’s sake.

I’m talking about more severe mental health issues. Like if an individual is a psychopath… are they aware of it? Or if a person is schizophrenic, how bad does the situation have to get before they realize that what’s going on in their own mind is maybe not right for example?

Or because it’s their own mind and their own thoughts, and because humans don’t know any different from what our own thoughts produce, maybe individuals with intense mental health issues never realize that they HAVE an issue that could and perhaps should be helped with either medications or therapy or whatever other means provided to them, because it either has always been, or has become their normal.

Just based on the principle that they are used to how their mind runs/works and it seems fine to them.

I guess the reason I’m asking….

Is because lately as you guys know, I’ve been searching. Really searching. About life. Perhaps the meaning of life. Or not so much the meaning of life, but my purpose and where do I fit into the universe. And during this process, I’ve been having some extreme experiences. Things I can’t even explain. Things that have been disconcerting, and even now have gotten to the point of slightly scary. Experiences that have legitimately been leading me to ask myself if I’m “crazy” or not, which is why I ask if I was out of my mind… would I be aware enough to know it?

Because my most recent experience, that happened this past Saturday night, left me with thoughts and emotions, even memories that weren’t my own, and I’m not sure how to handle it.

I was lying in bed high, while talking on the phone with a friend and whiles we were talking I didn’t so much hallucinate him there with me so much as sense him. So I told him I had to go to sleep, like I was done for the night. We hung up the phone and I rolled over to go to sleep but I still “sensed” the friend there. Even though I knew it was just me in the room.

But then the sensation became stronger. And then the feeling of my friends energy kept urging at me. (You guys don’t mock me ok. Like I completely realize how utterly absurd this whole thing is, why do you think I”m wondering if I’m insane!)  The first 2-3 times I felt it urge for me to let it in, or to connect I opened my eyes and the feeling would diminish. But when I closed my eyes and would “listen’ and focus again, the feeling would return each time more intense than the last. Until I thought it through, thinking how bad could whatever this thing be? I’m safe in my room, alone, all this feeling is, is an energy at best, and its here for a reason, so I might as well enjoy it… so I basically in my mind said ok have at ‘er.

That’s when it rushed in. Huge surges of energy and love and joy. My body was vibrating. My thoughts were both my own as well as this energy’s. (Yeah I know, it sounds ridiculous, but wait there’s more). I now had memories that belonged to my friend ( like making love with a gorgeous woman with cat like eyes, or being on stage in front of a crowd of people and feeling the energy course through my/his veins, the list goes on and on). I also felt as if this energy was holding me. Moving my arms and hands. And it used my own hands to caress my face and hold me in my own arms. But at the same time I was hugging my friend and feeling his body. The sheer amount of energy that was passed through my body during that time was unbelievable. I could tell the difference between my thoughts and his thoughts but then there were moments when our thoughts were the same. It was, since there is no other way to describe it, out of this world. Or crazy.

But I remember when the moment was over, I’m not sure how long it lasted since it felt like it could have been anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes, as the energy was leaving my body, it left a thought implanted in my mind. All I could think about after was “twin flame.” A phrase I’d never heard of before, but you can imagine I looked it up the next day.

(Here’s one of a few video’s I found, among many articles I read)

So anyways after hardly sleeping for the last few days, not being able to eat much, heck I can’t even bring myself to an orgasm since then, it’s like my body feels like it’s been invaded. And so now here I am, questioning my sanity. Which brings me back to my original question… do ‘crazy’ people know when they’re crazy? Or is the fact that I’m talking about it, reason enough to believe that I’m somewhat still sane?  How will I know if this was an experience that actually happened to me, or one that I imagined? But trust me, I couldn’t make something like this up. Because I’m the least imaginative person I know. I believe in facts and figures, not imagination and fantasy. If you were to enter my mind on a “normal’ day, you would find everything carefully categorized and probably labeled lol.  And so if it’s something that the universe brought to me… was it meant for good or have I been demon possessed or something ridiculous like that? Like you have no idea what crazy thoughts have been going through my mind since Saturday!

Am I crazy? I mean I know I sound it. But am I? Am I truly crazy.


-Logic Ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid/1-800-273-8255-

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My Friends All Tell Me Maybe I Should Seek A Psychic They Tell Me Just Beware I May Or May Not Like It

So, take this with a grain of salt, but I went for my first time to see a psychic today. I booked an appointment originally for a chakra healing session and then after that was done I decided since I was there to throw in a palm reading since… well I was there and curious so why not.

So for the healing session, I laid on her table and she had all the music and incense going. Then she laid her crystals on me and told me to relax. More. MORE. Bitch this is me totally relaxed! Like I’m breathing calmly, laying still, I honestly don’t know how to relax more than this! I hate when people tell me to relax, since I hardly ever get worked up. I’m pretty homeostasis all the time. Even if my steady state is a tense stressful state… that’s how I stay lol.

Anyways she started her thing, and spent a lot of her time focusing on my ankle, which made me chuckle inwardly. She’s probably thinking I’ve got tons of ‘blocked energy’ there but in reality, I twisted it on Monday night and it’s just been messed up and swollen since. I figured if she knows what she’s doing, like if she’s the real deal, she’ll figure it out on her own, and I ain’t saying nothing.

So she spent maybe 45 minutes doing her thing with her hands and the crystals and whatever else she did, I can’t really say since I had my eyes closed and was trying to ‘relax’ 😒. But then she removed the crystals and said when I was ready to come over to the table.

I felt very stiff and… heavy? Yeah heavy, while trying to get off the table. It actually took me 2 tries since I couldn’t move my arm the first time it was so heavy. But I made my way to the table and she started to explain what she ‘felt/sensed/saw’ with me.

For starters, she told me my chakras are very balanced, and overall I’m a well-balanced person, with no major ‘blockages’ anywhere. There was only one thing she really noticed which was a feeling of disappointment in my emotional chakra. So now I’m starting to thing this lady might actually know a thing or two.

She went on to say she saw something she’d never seen before which was feathers falling all around me in a bright white light. So she didn’t know if that represented angels or spirituality but that somehow I was very connected to the spiritual world and in a way enlightened.

I recently had an ‘experience’ and thought it might be a little too ‘out there’ to share with everyone here, but at this point, why hide? Especially since it’s so relevant to this. So this happened maybe 2-3 weeks ago while I was laying in bed one night. I have, as you all know, been really in search of ‘more’. I had stopped going to church and I didn’t want to just be wandering with no direction, so I really wanted a connection. Too feel like the decision I made was a solid one, or the right one to say the least. So I’m laying in bed a few weeks ago and relaxing (however relaxed I can get lol) while really thinking about the meaning of life and desiring more. Everything more. And then it flooded over me.

It was like waves rushing over from the centre of my body floating out from my head to toward my left side, yet my right side was unaffected. It continued for about 5-10 minutes, this rippling effect, like it was peeling layers from my left side away again and again and it was so welcomed and refreshing and I knew in that moment that, yes there was something out there, and I had… I’m not sure… ‘connected’ somehow?<<<<<<<<
enlightenment if you want, you can me crazy or ridiculous or cracked, but it's made me realize that there is a whole 'force' or whatever and to me, it was a good experience.

So back to today, when my psychic was saying she saw feathers and light around me, something she'd never seen. She told me she felt that I was connected and enlightened and I appreciated that. It somewhat confirmed my moment a few weeks back. Don't worry though, I'm not going to go and become some enlightened yogi or something like that lol. It just solidified what I had felt in my own moment of discovery, kind of like yeah C, you've reached a place many don't, keep at it.

So as far as what she saw in my chakra, that was about it. She said everything else is very balanced, and firm. She said I'm a strong independent individual and there was nothing standing out that seemed to draw her attention. Her words were that I was strong and firm yet light and airy. Very joyful, yet firmly rooted.

I'm very aware of myself and so if there were issues within, I would've dealt with them myself previously.  I'm very witty and pardon my humble brag but I'm hilarious.

And as far as the disappointment she felt, well yeah. I'm well aware of the disappointment. And I know exactly what it's stemming from.<<<<<<<<
e chakra done, I asked her to do the palm reading. I felt she had been pretty accurate so far so why not try to see a little of what's to come?

<<<<<<<<
as interesting. And kinda exciting and disappointing at the same time lol. Like I said I've never been to a psychic before, and I've definitely never had my palm read (I'm so vanilla) but she got right on it. Apparently, my hands say A LOT!<<<<<<<<
, on my lifeline, the one near my thumb with all the crossed lines at the top… well all those intersecting lines represent difficulties in my life. She was shocked to see so many but reassured me that they lessen out and then asked me my birth date. She then pulled out a notebook and did some number crunching which made no sense to me (probably for the best) and came up with 'my numbers' which are apparently 3+6+9. So with that she sees my lifeline steady out around 30 (I'll be 30 in October) and predicted that most of my "struggles" or major difficulties will have passed by then. At the bottom of my life line it branches out a few times (3) though which she suggests could represent a few significant 'moves or relocations'. I told her I've already moved once to Africa, then back, and she said with living here plus there, she sees one more significant move or relocation in my life, but not for a couple of years.

Moving on, (toward the left on my picture) she said my line representing success in business and finances was very prominent and had a few 'bumps/triangles coming off of it which meant basically according to her that I will be quite successful in that regards with the triangles representing large increases like work bonuses, raises etc. That's always good.

Now. The line horizontal to my fingers… with the zillion little x's intersecting it? Yep. That's my love line lol. She said she's getting a block on the line right now. I was like you and me both sister. Then, the thing that bothered me most about the whole visit was what she said next.<<<<<<<<
he sees 3 major relationships on this line. (Tiny ovals near the outer edge mixed with the x's). Then she said this doesn't include like 1-2 dates with a guy, but real relationships (what, does this chick read my blog lol). So what now? I consider obviously W, and then E 'real relationships'… so I guess since W is dead, and NO WAY I'm getting back with E,  Does K count? Or because we've never been official than I have one chance left?

So then we moved on to the very left side where she was impressed to see many travel lines (along the left outer edge) She said she's had some people with none or just a few, but I have more than normal. I figured that makes sense since I've done lots of traveling, and have a desire to do much more.

So when she did a recap, she said she sees a major move, but not for a couple of years (2-3) I'll be quite successful business wise, and with that financially too. She said this was most likely because I am a very independent person, with a strong creative streak and also a deep line showing intelligence. Also she threw in there that I have a knack for writing (hay thanks 🤗) and it might help with my success. She thinks 30 will be a better year for me, and then mentioned that between the ages of 23 and 26 looks like it was especially difficult. I was 26 when I made the decision to leave E so yeah you could say those years of 'marriage' were difficult. And she said that my lifeline looks pretty clear from now on with most of the struggles in the past now. The love line is the one that is quite complex. Girl preach. She closed by saying there is a hold on it for now (the love line) but in about 1.5-2 years it will steady out and to be patient. Then she reiterated the 'major move' in 2-3 years, and that was that.

My thoughts? To be honest I went in mostly sceptical, but also willing to be open, I mean I went, right? But as she started talking even before the palm reading I felt she had a good sense of what she was doing. She wasn't WAY off the mark on anything. Again that's the reason I decided to continue the palm reading.ll I live my life based on what she told me? Nope. Will I make my life decisions during the next few months with what she said in the back of my mind? I'd like to say no, but the words have been said and they will always be lingering in my subconscious.r now, I'm just trying not to put faces in any of the situations she mentioned and just let whatever happens, happen.t I will say that I don't regret it. It was for sure interesting and I didn't feel creeped out by her or that she was a total fraud at any point. Although for now, I heard what I heard, and don't feel I need to go rushing back for my next 'session'. Now or ever.


-Vanessa Hudgens/Psychic-