I Never Lose Nothing But Damn I Done Had It I Ain’t Never Strike Out They Can’t Average What I Batted No

So thanks to E constantly delaying the divorce, today is officially my eight year wedding anniversary. And I've spent 3.5 of those years trying to put E in my past. It's a work in progress. August 7th, 2009. The seventh day, of the eighth month, of the ninth year. E didn't care when we got… Continue reading I Never Lose Nothing But Damn I Done Had It I Ain’t Never Strike Out They Can’t Average What I Batted No

A Lady In The Street But A Freak In The Bed

I just wanna cry. At myself. At my continuous dumb decisions. At the world. At men. At life right now. I'm literally overwhelmed. And crying as I type, yet I can't pinpoint the exact reason why because so many fucked up things continue to occur. I thought I was done with K after that letter… Continue reading A Lady In The Street But A Freak In The Bed

Through It All We Will Remain In This Life We All Know Friends May Come They May Go Through The Years I Know I Will Stay

Some of you have asked why I even bother with K anymore like writing to him etc. K has been there for me in ways I can't even explain, but I'll give you a few examples. One simple time that crosses my mind was once when I got high, and we were on the phone.… Continue reading Through It All We Will Remain In This Life We All Know Friends May Come They May Go Through The Years I Know I Will Stay

Love in a Thousand Different Flavours I Wish That I Could Taste Them all Tonight No, I Ain’t Got No Dinner Plans

After W was killed, months had passed since the funeral and I had had multiple conversations with myself about "moving on". One week I particular I found my thoughts constantly dwelling on things like 'was I ready', and if I was how would I even meet someone new?!? I no longer went to the club/pub/bars,… Continue reading Love in a Thousand Different Flavours I Wish That I Could Taste Them all Tonight No, I Ain’t Got No Dinner Plans

Mama She has Taught Me Well Told Me When I Was Young Son Your Life’s an Open Book Don’t Close it ‘Fore it’s Done

So I took the kids to the park yesterday and as Z went off on the slide, little E and I had our "conversation" The whole "why doesn't dad live with us" question that he had asked me earlier in the day... I thought I had mentally prepped my answer, thought it through, and I… Continue reading Mama She has Taught Me Well Told Me When I Was Young Son Your Life’s an Open Book Don’t Close it ‘Fore it’s Done

If Your Not the One for Me Why do I Hate the Idea of Being Free/Why Have We Been Through What We Have Been Through 

Making the best choice for yourself in life is shitty sometimes. Whether it's as simple as eating healthy food vs. a cheeseburger or cutting out people who you feel aren't the best for you in order to make room for someone who will help you grow better. Both aren't fun, but the "friend" option is… Continue reading If Your Not the One for Me Why do I Hate the Idea of Being Free/Why Have We Been Through What We Have Been Through 

To Be in Love With Someone Who Could Never Love You

Have you ever been in a relationship or just a friendship where you felt like they were your everything and you were just 'something' to them... at best?  Or where you can't be with them because of dumb or made up reason and you find yourself always having to contain your feelings/emotions for them because… Continue reading To Be in Love With Someone Who Could Never Love You

And You Can’t Stop Me From Falling Apart

I refuse to watch 13 Reasons Why. As someone who has attempted suicide myself, on more than one occasion, and obviously failed (self high-five), I don't feel I need to know someone else's reasoning behind killing themselves. Do I think it's a good show for people to watch who have never experienced suicidal tendencies? Sure… Continue reading And You Can’t Stop Me From Falling Apart

Are You Afraid of Being Alone Cause I am, I’m Lost Without You

Would I be okay alone? This question has crossed my mind too much recently, and to answer, of course I would be okay. But I wouldn't thrive. You see even when you are in a relationship, you are destined to be alone at some points in your life. Most in fact, but it's the knowledge… Continue reading Are You Afraid of Being Alone Cause I am, I’m Lost Without You

You’re All I See, Our Love’s a Monster with 2 Heads and 1 Heartbeat, We Just Got Caught up in the Moment

So, I told K I couldn't do "it" (more about "it" here: Flaws On the Table, I Don’t Feel Insecure). At least I'm pretty sure I told him... I was high while on the phone, since I knew I couldn't talk about it "on my own".  This was something I honestly would've considered if K and I… Continue reading You’re All I See, Our Love’s a Monster with 2 Heads and 1 Heartbeat, We Just Got Caught up in the Moment