I’m Not a Pawn for You to Play in Your Fucking Game I’ve Got Dignity and a Dream That I Want to Achieve/All I Hear are Your Empty Promises

A while back I watched a show and the episode was titled Pros Vs. Cons and when I saw that, I literally laughed out loud.  It summed up my life in so many ways so perfectly. Yes, I am the queen of pro/con lists... whenever faced with an issue I think out all the good… Continue reading I’m Not a Pawn for You to Play in Your Fucking Game I’ve Got Dignity and a Dream That I Want to Achieve/All I Hear are Your Empty Promises

If Your Not the One for Me Why do I Hate the Idea of Being Free/Why Have We Been Through What We Have Been Through 

Making the best choice for yourself in life is shitty sometimes. Whether it's as simple as eating healthy food vs. a cheeseburger or cutting out people who you feel aren't the best for you in order to make room for someone who will help you grow better. Both aren't fun, but the "friend" option is… Continue reading If Your Not the One for Me Why do I Hate the Idea of Being Free/Why Have We Been Through What We Have Been Through 

Bitch Better Have My Money, Pay Me What You Owe Me

$36,408.00 That's how much E currently owes me in back pay for child support. I've been trying to sort this thing out with my lawyer for what feels like forever now, and I feel like (hopefully) we're nearing the finish line with this whole divorce. To be honest, it could've been much worse than how… Continue reading Bitch Better Have My Money, Pay Me What You Owe Me

Nobody Said It Was Easy. No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

I'd like to say that once I got back to Canada things got better fast. But that would be a complete lie. It was hard. There were so many stressful factors I didn't even consider when thinking the whole "leave E" thing through. My parents let us stay with them for which I am so… Continue reading Nobody Said It Was Easy. No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

So today I was back at the airport for the first time since flying back from Kenya 3 years ago. I felt like a deja vu kinda thing happening. I had to head out there for work to meet some of the guys we'd recruited for work and it was just a causal meet and… Continue reading We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now

I spent the next couple of days in what can only be described as a fog. I was there. I was alive. But I was definitely not thinking clearly. Everything was blurry. Fuzzy. I couldn't concentrate on any of the mundane day to day things that needed to be done. The kids needed to be… Continue reading Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now

The Cat Came Back

The drive away from my home and my life was quiet. I was doing my best to stay calm. I had my kids to worry about, and I didn't want them to sense anything was more wrong then what was blatantly obvious... Daddy had just beat up mommy, and had packed up our things and kicked… Continue reading The Cat Came Back

Gimme All Your Money, All Your Hugs and Kisses too

While living outside of Kakamega, Kenya, it seemed more difficult for E to adjust then for myself. New things don't scare me much, and I'm always up for talking to new people and having new experiences. But for E, what we didn't understand at the time (about 2013-2014) was that his schizophrenic tendencies were becoming… Continue reading Gimme All Your Money, All Your Hugs and Kisses too

The Wedding of My Dreams. My Worst Nightmare 

E didn't want anything to do in planning the wedding. My mom on the other hand... She wanted to be involved way to much. I'm a fairly easy going person. I don't like to stir up trouble. And my mom was getting so excited about this whole wedding thing that I didn't want to say… Continue reading The Wedding of My Dreams. My Worst Nightmare 

If the Ring Fits

E had big hands. Huge hands. Like it was ridiculous. We went multiple times to different jewellery stores looking for the perfect wedding ring for him. I asked him so many questions about what he would like, what did he want it to look like, how big, what style. I really wanted him to like… Continue reading If the Ring Fits