Am I Dead? Or Is This One Of Those Dreams? Those Horrible Dreams That Seem Like They Last Forever?

I just need a break. Seriously life, just back off with the shit throwing OK? Deal? So as promised, well not even promised but told to E yesterday, the kids and I called him last night to video chat. During which he proceeded to inform me that his Dad's burial is on the same day… Continue reading Am I Dead? Or Is This One Of Those Dreams? Those Horrible Dreams That Seem Like They Last Forever?

I Never Lose Nothing But Damn I Done Had It I Ain’t Never Strike Out They Can’t Average What I Batted No

So thanks to E constantly delaying the divorce, today is officially my eight year wedding anniversary. And I've spent 3.5 of those years trying to put E in my past. It's a work in progress. August 7th, 2009. The seventh day, of the eighth month, of the ninth year. E didn't care when we got… Continue reading I Never Lose Nothing But Damn I Done Had It I Ain’t Never Strike Out They Can’t Average What I Batted No

Figures, I Gave You Ride Or Die And You Gave Me Games/Love Figures I Gave You All And You Gave Me Shit

I've never felt so outright disrespected probably ever, at least that I can remember. W? He was killed. E? Never knew what he was doing. But this? This is K actively being... well just awful. So the mess with K? Well I've been working behind the scene trying to get word to him. Making sure… Continue reading Figures, I Gave You Ride Or Die And You Gave Me Games/Love Figures I Gave You All And You Gave Me Shit

I’ll Take A Breath, I’ll Take Her By My Side We Stand In Awe, We’ve Created Life

With little E's birthday yesterday and Z's coming up next week, it's really been hitting a chord I didn't even know I had. I want another baby. My kids are growing up and soon I'll have a 4 & 7 year old in my house and I won't even be able to pretend I have… Continue reading I’ll Take A Breath, I’ll Take Her By My Side We Stand In Awe, We’ve Created Life

Love in a Thousand Different Flavours I Wish That I Could Taste Them all Tonight No, I Ain’t Got No Dinner Plans

After W was killed, months had passed since the funeral and I had had multiple conversations with myself about "moving on". One week I particular I found my thoughts constantly dwelling on things like 'was I ready', and if I was how would I even meet someone new?!? I no longer went to the club/pub/bars,… Continue reading Love in a Thousand Different Flavours I Wish That I Could Taste Them all Tonight No, I Ain’t Got No Dinner Plans

Mama She has Taught Me Well Told Me When I Was Young Son Your Life’s an Open Book Don’t Close it ‘Fore it’s Done

So I took the kids to the park yesterday and as Z went off on the slide, little E and I had our "conversation" The whole "why doesn't dad live with us" question that he had asked me earlier in the day... I thought I had mentally prepped my answer, thought it through, and I… Continue reading Mama She has Taught Me Well Told Me When I Was Young Son Your Life’s an Open Book Don’t Close it ‘Fore it’s Done

I’m Not a Pawn for You to Play in Your Fucking Game I’ve Got Dignity and a Dream That I Want to Achieve/All I Hear are Your Empty Promises

A while back I watched a show and the episode was titled Pros Vs. Cons and when I saw that, I literally laughed out loud.  It summed up my life in so many ways so perfectly. Yes, I am the queen of pro/con lists... whenever faced with an issue I think out all the good… Continue reading I’m Not a Pawn for You to Play in Your Fucking Game I’ve Got Dignity and a Dream That I Want to Achieve/All I Hear are Your Empty Promises

If Your Not the One for Me Why do I Hate the Idea of Being Free/Why Have We Been Through What We Have Been Through 

Making the best choice for yourself in life is shitty sometimes. Whether it's as simple as eating healthy food vs. a cheeseburger or cutting out people who you feel aren't the best for you in order to make room for someone who will help you grow better. Both aren't fun, but the "friend" option is… Continue reading If Your Not the One for Me Why do I Hate the Idea of Being Free/Why Have We Been Through What We Have Been Through 

To Be in Love With Someone Who Could Never Love You

Have you ever been in a relationship or just a friendship where you felt like they were your everything and you were just 'something' to them... at best?  Or where you can't be with them because of dumb or made up reason and you find yourself always having to contain your feelings/emotions for them because… Continue reading To Be in Love With Someone Who Could Never Love You

Promiscuous Girl You’re Teasing Me You Know What I What And I Got What You Need 

K, I originally wrote this yesterday while waiting to meet my friends for lunch, when my whole WordPress crashed and I lost the entire fucking post. I was choked. So sorry if it's not as "good" as normal, but I'm really just moody about having to redo it. 😒.  This morning I met a friend… Continue reading Promiscuous Girl You’re Teasing Me You Know What I What And I Got What You Need